"Freedom" from Forgiveness
Have you ever met a person who shares a story with you about what they should have done, might have done, or could have done? Who shares with you, if only I had acquired a different job, been involved in a different relationship, lived in a different community, had a different degree, I would be happy? It is common knowledge that many people wake up everyday using yesterday as an excuse to justify why they are miserable today. Let It Go! The infamous band "The Eagles" wrote a song entitled "Get Over It". Individuals who cannot forgive themselves, others, or the environment are just wishing for a better past. If we cannot change ten minutes ago, how could we possibly change ten years ago? When half of our energy is focused on what should have been, might have been or could have been, we are wasting half of our energy on what could be.
Forgiveness is a powerful gift that releases us from the bondage of past failures, hurts and disappointments. It is a principle of success that few discuss in regard to the impact it has on both our personal and professional lives. I cannot change yesterday, but I can make the choice whether to learn, grow and move on from past mistakes and misfortunes, or allow them to control my emotional well being today and what my attitude will be in the future. The need for forgiveness in our lives is directly proportional to the degree of which we have failed, been hurt, or victimized. The more I have experienced these destructive encounters the greater degree of forgiveness is needed to mend the damage done. One of my favorite forgiveness quotes extracted from my book is, "Forgiveness is the fragrance of the violet that clings fast to the heel that crushed it." ---George Roemisch.
Forgiveness of self is the first assignment for all of us. We have all failed but our failures teach us what we are capable of achieving. Without failures and disappointments in life how can we truly test our personal understanding of what it is we stand for and believe in, i.e. our core values? I personally believe a significant measure of a person is their ability to persevere through the disastrous times they experience. Granted it may be easier said then done, but it should be a goal for all of us to continue to look forward, and not use past failures as present day excuses for being unhappy and unfulfilled.
If you have ever attended a place of worship, many times a message that is heard revolves around the importance of forgiving others, and how we should forgive those who have hurt us. My question for all of you is, what does forgiving others have anything to do with others? The answer is absolutely nothing. The reason you forgive another person has nothing to do with the other person; it has everthing to do with you. Whether the other person accepts your forgiveness, or not, becomes their responsibility. Think about this for just a brief moment. People who have hurt us, what are they doing with their lives? They are moving on in constructive or destructive ways, positive or negative ways, but are they thinking of you? If they were thinking of you, wouldn't they want to mend the relationship, heal the hurts, and make amends from damaging days gone by? A memorable line I share with the audience during the course of presenting my "No Excuse!" message, and discussing forgiveness is, "People who have hurt us, we allow them to live rent free in our brains." Ponder this, it's like we hire a contractor to build a condominium in our head and the people who live there, who have hurt us pay nothing. They do not pay rent, utilities, cable service, sanitation removal, not a thing. Subsequently they take up a large portion of our mental capacity, and we walk around saying to ourselves, "someday we will get back at them, someday, someday." Evict them from your head, and move them out now. We never forget the hurts, but we forgive them and redirect energy towards something positive and constructive away from energy directed towards something negative and destructive. Who has control when we do not forgive the ones who have hurt us? They do! Why would I use what someone did to me fifteen years ago as justification to be miserable today? That is a choice we are all challenged with, but a decision that is extremely important to make. It is a choice made that will either weigh us down with bitterness, or free us from the emotional control of those who have hurt us.
Have you ever encountered a person who shares with you, or something similar, that they listen to talk radio 24-7, read the newspaper everyday, watch the evening news every night and then states, "I'm very depressed."? Well, yeah, how could they not be depressed when they are allowing the world to dictate how they feel on a daily basis? Forgiveness of environment is the third component to becoming free from the burden of baggage. It is a choice whether we allow the world, the weather, the war, and the many other media driven disappointments to structure how we feel towards others and ourselves. I cannot change many of the negative occurances I witness and hear about everyday, but I can change how I react to them. I can forgive a situation, and not allow it to negatively impact my desires to be positive, optimistic, or continue to make a significant difference in others lives.
The wonderful freedom we experience from forgiveness is to understand the less baggage we carry, the lighter the load. As a result, the greater freedom we have to move around, to enjoy life, to be less burdened, to be more joyous, giving, respectful, and selfless. Without the freedom granted from forgiveness, we create our own internal prison, trapped behind bars of bitterness, anger, resentment, blame, misery, cruelty and self-centeredness. There is joy and new energy with freedom. It is why there is joy and new energy with the incorporation of forgiveness in our lives. Be free, and enjoy the exhilaration of rescuing your emotional control from the grips of the experiences, and people who have taken it from you. Forgiveness will provide you a renewed outlook on life, a resurgence of positive energy, and a greater foundation of self-respect.
As I leave the previous contemplations with you, I would like to share a letter with you I had written to my father on January 1, 1995, when I was the young age of 38. I believe it is a heart felt example of how to forgive. I was early in my entrepreneurial career, and the burden of carrying his death around with me still lingered. I was 11 years old when he passed away, many years had gone by, and I felt a strong desire and need to finally release the burden of this tragic experience.
Dear Dad,
This is the first letter I have ever written to you. As you know, I was only eleven when you died, but I never had a need to write to you until now. I am thirty eight now, and a lot has happened in my life that I know you would be proud of.
I just want to tell you how much I have missed you and how much I have desired your words of approval and assurance. There were many times in my life that your being there would have meant the world to me. It certainly would have made life's trials more bearable.
The simple hug or touch a father shares with his son I will never feel again, yet I now have the wonderful opportunity to share that with my own children. It took many years for me to become satisfied with me, and what I have to offer to others around me. I know that while you were here you gave me everything you felt was best, with honesty and sincerity.
I truly love you and ask for your blessing. I ask for your spirit of strength for my family and me. Thank you for helping me find peace within myself and to feel the satisfaction of giving to other people.
Your loving son,
Jay
BE FREE!
05.04.2008
"Dining" For Success
Daily we are inundated with information about what we should be, should do, should wear, and should have in order to be successful. Our children are especially vulnerable to the power of the media and the ever-advancing technology in influencing their perceptions of what defines success. What does it mean to be successful? How do you define success? Is success defined as power, wealth and fame or can it be defined as balance, contentment and peace of mind, or both? Are our daily actions supporting the achievement of what it means for us as individuals to be successful? Does our definition of success reinforce and compliment the personal and professional values that we believe in? These are observations and questions that should be reflected on, and answered by each of us.
Over the centuries many prominent figures have contributed to the understanding of what it means to be successful. To highlight a few, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Self-trust is the first secret to success." Booker T. Washington stated, "I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed." Sir Walter Scott noted, "Success or failure is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacity." John D. Rockefeller, Jr. expressed that, "The secret of success is to do the common things uncommonly well." Mark Twain declared, "Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed." Once in a while, a little humor doesn't hurt either.
The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines success as, "The achievement of something desired, planned or attempted." Notice that the definition provides no ethical code to what is desired, planned or attempted, leaving the door open for much interpretation and discussion. Personally, I believe defining success in ones life is significantly more substantial then this generic dictionary version. One of the best definitions of success I ever received was during a "No Excuse!" seminar training session I conducted for the United States Postal Service in Queens, NY. A gentleman stated that his definition of success was, "Eager to go to work and eager to go back home." I thought to myself that is perfect, because that is life balance in a wonderful way. To be equally energized and excited to participate in our profession and our family, is a balance we should all strive for.
So where does "Dining" for success come into play? My homework assignment is for you to take time at the dinner table tonight, or in the very near future, and discuss as a couple, or a family, what success means. For those who have children ask the young ones, "How do they define success?" Do you think a six year old might have a different answer than a sixteen year old? As a result, another door will open for parent participation to discuss the areas of success that you feel to be important for them to understand.
If ones idea of success is wealth, fame, power, prestige and they achieve it, and it is truly a reflection of what they want and who they are, thay are successful. On the other hand, if ones idea of success is a happy family, a profession they enjoy, a community they feel a part of, a place of worship where they feel free to worship, to own their own home and they achieve that, are they not just as successful as what society might put up on that pedestal? Of course they are, because it is a reflection of who they are, and what they want to be. Over time, I have discovered that true success is the sum of achievement plus personal honesty. In the process of achievement, achieving without compromising our character and core values is genuine and true success.
04.21.2008
"Blame" Storming Session
Recently, the national weather service indicated that this year's hurricane season was to be potentially severe. I thought to myself, there is a present storm that continues to be quite severe, and that is hurricane "Blame". I am not sure if it is a category 5, yet, but it appears to be gaining strength as each day goes by, and the destruction could be devastating. As "Blame" becomes stronger, and the role of personal accountability becomes less and less of a barometer in evaluating the health of our society, the need for social values and principles deteriorate into irrelevancy. Eventually our society has the potential to capsize. Why do we need honesty and integrity when it is someone else's fault for our failings? We don't! "It was my dysfunctional family." "I did not have an adequate role model growing up." "Those are reasons I had to lie." Really? Why are manners and respectful behavior necessary when it is the fault of the Internet, television and peer pressure for a child's misbehavior, and not the child themselves? Why do we need to be fiscally responsible with our own finances when we can fault the government for being irresponsible with the nation's finances? Why do we need to be professionally responsible for our work performance when it is my manager's fault for not listening to me? Why do we need to be personally responsible in our daily lives when it is the fault of society and the media for sensationalizing totally irresponsible behavior? The way the winds of thought are blowing presently, if I falter, there must be something or someone I can blame. Excuses are the hidden undercurrents that fuel the storm.
Every time we blame, whine and/or complain what do we give up? We relinquish control. We give control to some other entity. How could you possibly be content and fulfilled when you believe it is up to someone or something else to be responsible for your life? Wait just a minute, isn't it someone else's responsibility, my place of work, the government, my place of worship, my community, society, to make me happy and fulfilled? Granted, they play a role, but the reality is that you and I, from the moment we wake up in the morning, to the time we put our heads on that pillow at night, it is our choices and our decisions every day that structure what we become, and eventually determine how happy we are. Once again, those choices and decisions stem from an understanding of what it is we stand for and believe, i.e. our core values. The resulting consequences from just whining about hurricane "Blame", and not taking the actions to prepare for and minimize its impact, will be disastrous.
As mentioned in previous discussions, we set an example everyday to those around us. I encourage everyone who may read this blog to no longer put up with the whiners, blamers and excuse makers. That we hold strong to becoming "No Excuse!" people and understand that we set an example of personal accountability to ourselves, our children and those we influence. We cannot let hurricane "Blame" get the best of us.
04.13.2008
"Earning" Success In The Kitchen
Several years ago, upon returning home from a week of sharing the "No Excuse!" message, Noni, my beautiful wife of many, many years, quickly introduced me to a reality check. During the course of that week, I guess I had become quite enamored with my apparent excellent speaking abilities, the response, praise and appreciation from my audiences, and of course, the added ego boost of signing copies of my book for the adoring crowds. As a result, I intrinsically developed a small attitude, which revolved around the belief that I was quite "the man". As I walked into the kitchen of my home, our dog, Adidas, hurried to greet me with that unconditional love only a dog can display. However, her instincts kicked in, and she sensed that something was not quite copasetic. Her unconditional encounter with me was quite brief and she scurried away, as my wife approached. My wife, having a somewhat different set of instincts, but still extremely effective, also sensed something was amiss. Cognitive of my attitude, she understood the potential for subsequent destructive behaviors that might follow as a result of my "the man" mindset. Seeing me with my head a little bigger than the width of the door, and causing her to be somewhat miffed, Noni immediately notified me of her excellent awareness of my "the man" attitude by stating, "Honey, just remember one thing, just because you're a hero at work, doesn't mean you're automatically a hero at home." As my inflated ego exploded like the famous zeppelin, Hindenburg, I was quickly brought down to earth with that powerful, candid, and quite unnerving statement.
The truth is, Noni is correct. Each and every day we are out there in the working world earning it. We are earning our reputation, our income, our status in the community, our attainment of success, our sense of belonging, and our sense of self. The point is, when we walk through the front doors of our home at night, guess what, we have to earn it there also. If we want to receive the same recognition at home as we do at work, we are going to have to earn it. Isn't it amazing how we can be "all that and a bag of chips" for people we do not even know, and then go home and not nearly be as considerate to the people who love us? How does that work? I have been there and done that. There have been many times where I have been more patient, respectful, kind, considerate, professional and empathetic to my clients and even people I do not know, then I have been to my own family when I have returned home. This is a destructive behavior that I have corrected, and continue to remind myself of, as the days, weeks, months and years go by. The primary reason for that constant reflection is, when all is said and done who truly defines whether or not you have been successful? I can assure you that it will not necessarily be my clients, and the people who I do not know; but rather my wife, my children, my friends and those who love me. These are the people who truly know the character of the person standing in the kitchen.
One of my favorite quotes is "You teach best in life what you want to learn the most." If you love something in life, one of your greatest joys is to share it with others. I have always had a passion for life and a deep interest in what brings success and happiness to people's lives. As I have grown in my life and my profession, I have come to humbly appreciate the many successes I have had, and yet more importantly, the many mistakes I have made. As a result, my greatest joy is to share with others what I have learned from those mistakes, and to give credit to those who have supported me for the successes. My experiences have taught me that the result of any endeavor is usually equal to the efforts put in to it. Efforts dedicated to the earning of our resulting successes at work should be as important as the efforts dedicated to the earning of our successful family life at home. Have fun in the kitchen.
04.04.2008
"To My Grown Up Son"
I have decided that during the course of our discussions, that I would also share, at times, excerpts from the "No Excuse!" book. The following is a poem found in the "Remember To Honor Family and Friends" chapter.
"My hands were busy through the day; I didn't have much time to play the little games you asked me to; I didn't have much time for you. I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook, but when you'd bring your picture book and ask me to share your fun I'd say, "A little later, son." I'd tuck you in all safe at night; and hear your prayers, turn out the light, then tiptoe softly to the door - I'd wish I'd stayed a minute more. For life is short, the years rush fast - a little boy grows up so fast. No longer is he at your side, his precious secrets to confide. The picture books are put away, there arn't any games to play - no goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear; that all belongs to yesteryear. My hands once busy now lie still; the days are long and hard to fill. I wish I might go back and do the little things you asked me to."
---Arthur M. Sells
03.31.2008
Personal Honesty - Let's Be Real
Through our own behaviors, do we live a life demonstrating that what we stand for and believe in we actually exemplify on a daily basis; or do we wake up every morning just attempting to prove to the world how wonderful we are, regardless of what behaviors might be needed to accomplish that? If what we are attempting to prove is not a reflection of who we truly are, is there any way we could be happy? The answer is no, because we are in conflict with ourselves.
Do you believe there is a direct correlation between money, things and genuine happiness? If you believe there is, than I can conclude that the more money and things an individual possesses, the happier and more fulfilled they would be. Correct? Why is it then, that many people who have so many things, are absolutely miserable? Contrastingly, why are there many people with limited material possessions, and yet, are very happy and content with their lives? The reason is "things" do not define who we are, rather our "behaviors" do. If the acquiring of things is used as a substitute for being accountable for our behaviors, then we are being dishonest with ourselves. Therefore, neither what we own, nor the power we gain, will ever fill that void in personal honesty. As a result, we may have things, but are we happy?
I do believe material things can provide pleasure, but are not the roots to long-term contentment. I enjoy nice things, and I feel fortunate that I have been able to create a level of comfort for my family and myself. However, I will share with all of you that what I wear, what I drive, and how big a house I live in does not, by itself, define the true character of who I am as a professional, a husband and a father. How I treat my family, how I treat my clients, how kind and respectful I am to others, how well I conduct my business, and how accurately I practice the message I share, will ultimately define whether I was a person of personal honesty. Personally, I have made mistakes, and I am sure mistakes will happen again, but to repeat a pattern of behavior that sabotages my own sense of self, and those close to me, is inexcusable. Personal honesty stems from living a life that is a true reflextion of who we are, and it complementing what we professionally respresent to those around us.
How many leaders in government, Hollywood, professional athletics, corporations, religious institutions, and many other professions disappointed, and/or destroyed their family, friends, and followers with personal dishonesty? In the recent aftermath of the former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer's debacle, it once again put the spotlight on failures of leadership, and has created yet another uphill battle for honest people in positions of leadership, to solidfy trust by those who admire, look up to, and respect them. What message do we send our children in regard to personal responsibility, accountability, integrity and character when pundits make excuses for the personal irresponsibility's of those in famous positions? The message sent is one that creates distrust towards others, and in the minds of many, that character, integrity, and accountability, the sum of which equals personal honesty, is irrelavent in regard to personal and professional achievement.
Why would any leader with significant influence and power disintegrate the very core values that they are attempting, or projecting, to espouse to? It is called egoism, narcissism, and behaving in an egocentric manner. By definition, Egoism is "The quality of thinking or acting with only oneself and one's own interests in mind; preoccupation with one's own welfare and advancement." Narcissism is defined as, "Excessive admiration of oneself." Egocentric is defined as, "Thinking or acting with the view that one's self is the center, object, and norm of all experience." "Individualistic, selfish." These three destructive traits have historically destroyed individuals, families, careers, communities, governments, empires, and have even extended to the destruction of entire societies.
I can honestly share that my life changed when I discovered the more I think of others the happier I tend to be, and to realize that it is not about me, but my service to those around me. I have learned it is so vitally important to do everything I can do to ensure that the way I want the world to be, and the way I want the world to view me as being, is a true reflection of who I am. Displaying personal honesty during the course of our life is a rewarding challenge for anyone reading this blog.
03.28.2008
Self-Esteem - "The Gift Myth"
During the course of defining, explaining and discussing self-esteem in my training sessions, I actually apologize to my younger audience members in regard to this important principle of success. Why? Over the past twenty plus years we (baby boomers) have created a generation of young people who, in many cases, believe it is more important to feel good then do good. When my two children were attending elementary school, I can vividly recall when the new fad for improving education in our public schools was to provide our students a greater sense of self-esteem. How do you accomplish that, tell the students how wonderful they are? I can share with you, enhancing self-esteem is not putting a purple star on a five-year-old student's forehead and saying, "feel good about yourself". Those may be tools for encouragement, but it does not instill self-esteem.
According to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, "self-esteem" is defined as "Pride in oneself." Upon further page turning in the dictionary, "pride" is defined as, "A sense of one's own dignity or value; self-respect." How does one attain that sense of dignity, value and self-respect in their life? Does some spiritual entity come down from the sky and pronounce you a person of self-respect? I think not. A great excuse I often hear to justify relinquishing one's personal responsibility is, "I have low self-esteem." In a professional and empathetic way, my usual response is, "What are you doing about that?".
A sense of dignity, value and self-respect / pride in oneself / self-esteem, is not given to a child, or an adult, it is earned. It can only be earned based on day to day behaviors. These behaviors should be based on an individual's understanding, or at least an awareness, of what their core values are. These core values are established, or not established, in a child by their parents or the family structure they are raised in. This is an example of how core values, accountability, and self-esteem are interdependent of one another. It also provides the evidence needed to understand the relationship between one's level of self-esteem and the impact of peer pressure. Without an understanding of what I stand for and believe in (my core values), I am less likely to hold myself accountable, more likely to be indecisive when my sense of self is challenged, and as a result, behave in a way that does not reinforce a sense of pride (one's own dignity or value; self-respect) i.e. self-esteem.
A key indicator of an individual's level of self-esteem in the workplace is their ability, or inability, to make decisions. Two major fears, that all human beings have, are the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. Fear of failure is fear of self, and fear of rejection is fear of others. These fears stem from how we were parented (in a later blog). If the fears of failure and rejection are so strong it prevents an individual from being decisive, it can be a reflection of their lack of self-esteem. Why? The individual does not have the inner strength to stand up for their convictions and beliefs, because they do not know what their core values are, as a result they doubt their own value, and therefore, how could they possibly be decisive.
Instill in your children, and those you influence, that a fulfilling sense of self-esteem is earned, and based on behaviors that reinforce their own sense of self-worth and self-respect. Those behaviors should be a positive reflection and understanding of their core values. The key benefit to earning self-esteem, for young and old alike, is increased self-confidence, and a greater ability to be strongly decisive when challenged with tough decisions, both personally and professionally.
03.16.2008
"Core Values" for Homework
One of my major themes within the No Excuse! training program is the establishment and implementation of a set of core values within an organization. These core values should reflect the leadership's fundamental approach toward how business is conducted, and how clients view the organization. Core values provide the parameters of behavior to hold ourselves and others accountable, and a more complete evaluation of performance and decisions being made. It is also imperative that these core values be defined for the employees, and the entire gamut of the work force. The primary reason for defining what we mean by what we say is as human beings we define words we hear, not only by what the dictionary may state, but also based on our life experience with that word. I can say the word "integrity" and eveyone may have a variation of what that word means based on their life experience with it. For example, I have younger people in my workshop sessions when asked the question, "What does the word integrity mean?" with the response of, "I have no idea.". A reason why it might be important to define for people what we mean by what we say?
During the course of my travels and training, I have encountered organizations with a firm set of core values that are reflective in the leadership and the employee base. However, it is extremely important for the leadership to constantly review, remind the entire team, and consistently define what those core values are, and will continue to be. The resulting benefit is enhanced trust and accountability, leading to better communication; and extending to better efficiency, productivity, and eventually greater profitability.
Here is the "homework" twist to what has been shared previously. I also conduct seminar-training sessions for small groups of CEO's and senior leadership across the country. In the course of discussing core values, I always enjoy seeing the visual response of senior leadership when I ask them, "Have you ever sat down at the dinner table and asked your children and family, what do you think the core values of our family might be?". Many times it is like observing deer in headlights. There is always a brief hesitation, and pondering that occurs when asked that question. We can establish core values for our organization, but we do not take the time to establish core values for our family? Most of the time we assume the children know, but in reality, the assumption is incomplete. It must be brought to the surface, and the values discussed, to solidify a foundation of understanding. Of course this does not only apply to senior leadership, but everyone reading this Blog.
The wonderment of this "core value" homework assignment is when a child opens their mouth with a response, let's say, "Honesty should be one of our core values", the child has to then take ownership for what they just said, which allows you as a parent to hold them what? "Accountable" It works! We established four in our family, and they are as follows, "always be honest", "always do the best you can", "treat people with respect", and "when you start something you do not quit midstream" i.e. you join a team you see it through to the end of the season. You do not quit just because you do not like it. That is called commitment to your teammates, and taking accountability for the decision you made. At times, would my children fight these values growing up? Absolutely, but now that they are grown, I have noticed that these core values have provided a basis for their sense of self respect and confidence; as they tackle the difficulties of life, and having to make decisions they must take ownership for.
Peer pressure in our schools continues to be a formidable force in influencing the direction our children take with their lives. Why is that? The reason is, you have adults who do not have any idea what they stand for and believe in, have no consistent core values of their own. So, if I as a parent do not know what I stand for and believe in, how could I expect my children to have any idea what they should stand for and believe in. As a result, there are no parameters of behavior established, the children go to school, allow their friends to dictate how they should behave, so as to artificially enhance their self-esteem.
Take the time tonight, or as soon as may be convenient, to sit down with those young ones, and not so young ones, and ask them, "What are the core values of our family?". It will pay huge parenting dividends down the road, because it will provide those paramenters of behavior, and a structure to build the childrens' sense of self respect.
03.13.2008
A Bit of Perspective
I recently conducted a No Excuse! training presentation for an environmental engineering company in New Orleans, LA. The itinerary for my return trip home to Albany, NY included a connecting layover in Charlotte, NC. Upon waiting in the gate area preparing to board for the final flight to Albany, I noticed a young lady who was missing the bottom half of both her legs, and was on prosthetic limbs. Suprisingly, she appeared to be quite comfortable and agile with them. My first thought was that this accident might have occurred, if it was an accident, serving our country as a member of our military forces. I was tempted to approach her and subsequently ask that question, but I refrained, sensing it might make her feel uncomfortable, and that I might be incorrect in my assumption.
Landing in Albany, and arriving at the baggage claim, I once again noticed this young woman. It appeared that she had been met by her parents and they were welcoming her home. At this point I could not help my desire to know, and of course, I am not one to be bashful. Moments later I was introducing myself to her and her parents, and asked my question. She responded that this accident did occur in the service of our nation. She informed me that she was in a convoy south of Baghdad when an improvised explosive device (IED) exploded next to her vehicle resulting in the partial loss of both her limbs. As I stood there listening, I was attentive to the fact of how gracious, positive, and absolutely comfortable she was in sharing her story with me. In turn, I thanked her for her service to our nation, and proceeded to give her a big hug. She responded, "You're Welcome", and I then proceeded to the exit to return to my car, and eventually drive back home to Saratoga Springs. Upon walking through the exit doors, I remembered asking myself, "What did I wake up and whine about today?"
Over the many years of experiencing humbling encounters such as this one, I have learned to become more and more appreciative of the little things in life. I have even learned to appreciate the bottles of water I recieve before I speak; knowing that there are thousands of women in the Sudan just attempting to find some clean water to provide to their children so they will not die in a few days. Again, I am going to wake up and whine about what?
Know that each day is a gift, friends and family should not be taken for granted, life is not what you are given but how you handle it; and you make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give. My thoughts, prayers and best wishes go out to Amanda, and the many like her, for their sacrifice, service and dedication to our nation.
03.09.2008
Hitching a Ride With Kindness
In today's world of uncertainty, and technology driven relationships, an incident happened yesterday that reinforced my belief in the goodness that exists in our fellow human beings. Having conducted and concluded a full day "No Excuse!"seminar training session, I was being transported in the middle of rush hour to the Orlando International Airport via a Mears Limousine, provided to me by the generosity of my client. Approximately 4 miles from the airport terminal the limousine decided it was too exhausted to transport any more people, and broke down in the right hand lane of Semoran Boulevard, a very high volume thoroughfare in Orlando.
In a state of severe concern, the driver immediately attempted to acquire assistance utilizing his cell phone, but to no avail. As I was pondering the predicament, and knowing that my flight was departing in the very near future, I realized that drastic measures might need to be taken. Having been informed that there were no taxicabs in the area, and that a replacement limousine might arrive after my scheduled departure, I made an Airborne/Ranger type decision, and decided to take matters into my own hands. I proceeded to exit the vehicle, obtain my luggage, and begin to flag down a potential "Good Samaritin". I was also screaming, "is anyone going to the airport?". Since the broken down limousine had stalled traffic, and had caused a severe backup; intially all I heard were beeping horns, offensive terminology, and observed inappropriate sign language. However, within several minutes a young couple heard my plea, proceeded to stop their vehicle, and offer their assistance. Seconds later, my bags were in their car, and I was on my way to the airport to catch my return flight to Albany. I am not sure if the limousine driver even knew I had gone, however, I did notice that he was still on his cell phone as we pulled away.
After a brief introduction and some small talk, my new driver mentioned he needed fuel. We briefly stopped, and because of his kindness, I offered to pay for a full tank. Although he declined my offer, I insisted, and shared with him that I felt it was the least I could do. Minutes after we departed the gas station, I was at the Southwest Terminal saying goodbye, and thanking this couple who extended a gesture of kindness, and went out of their way to assist someone in need. So hats off to Rudy and Arlene for their graciousness, thoughtfullness, and renewing belief that kindness is alive and well.
03.06.2008
"Whatever" - Destroying Accountability
Over the past several years the use of the word "whatever" has become a national obsession as part of our daily conversation. Unknowing to many, "whatever" is having a very debilitating effect on our behaviors, and resulting attitude towards personal and professional responsibility. To tolerate the use of "whatever" among our children only reinforces their lack of understanding about what it means to be accountable for their actions. Why did you lie? "whatever". Why did you treat your friend with disrespect? "whatever", and so on. It also substantiates for many children that it is appropriate to pass on blame, and make excuses for failure and disappointment. In our families it is essential not to tolerate its usage, and for parents to set an example of not allowing "whatever" to be used in regard to a decision being made, or a behavior being disciplined.
In our organizations leaders must recognize that the term "whatever" is having a significant impact on effective leadership and management. Frequent use of "whatever" in the workplace only undermines responsibility for failure and achievement, creates a lack of trust, and generates misunderstanding within the organization. It is extremely difficult for a leader to be effective when a "whatever" attitude exists among those being led. How can an organization be as efficient and profitable when its' employees lack an understanding of the importance of taking accountability for their behaviors and performance?
It is my wish that parents, leaders, and anyone in a position of responsibility set an example not to tolerate the use of "whatever" at anytime when an important decision must be made; or when an individual must be held accountable for inappropriate behaviors or incorrect decisions. The establishment of personal and professional responsibility within our home and workplace, along with a consistent set of core values that guide our behaviors, provide the foundation for a strong and disciplined family unit; and for a productive and profitable work force.
03.03.2008
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