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Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Exemplary Character - Takes Earnest Effort
A revised version of a
Warren Buffet quote I heard recently stated, "Give your children enough to
do something, but don’t give your children so much they do nothing." This
particular thought is applicable beyond children and parenting. It is a theme
where the latter endangers the very fabric of an independent individual and
society. To be given much, without participating in earning what you have,
creates a false sense of comfort and self-respect. You may have comfort on the
outside, and a perceived external importance because of what you may own, but
there is little internal comfort, satisfaction, and peace of mind when it is
not earned.
A purposeful life stems from effort not ease, and doing not
stagnating. This is not to say we as a citizenry do not help those who cannot
help themselves. However, teaching, mentoring, and setting an example of proper
work ethic, resiliency, and determination to those who have the ability to
contribute, is essential to helping create healthy individuals, families and
communities. Mismanaged and abused entitlement programs are a prime example of
how providing too much without requiring a degree of effort and accountability
into what one is given generates apathy, lack of work ethic, lessening of a
desire to persevere, and debilitates any sense of self-worth. It is also detrimental
to an understanding of the importance of accountability, self-reliance and
initiative.
To believe you should be provided all you wish for by another
person or entity is a catalyst for personal destruction. You can never be rich
in thought, spirit, heart and soul when there is no effort made to earn the
life you desire. As Helen Keller said, “Character cannot be developed in ease
and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,
ambition inspired, and success achieved.” A platform of personal core values is
the starting block to transform a mindset of lethargy into creating a
meaningful life's legacy. If no core values exist, there is nothing to act on,
no accountability for behavior, and therefore no sense of what it is you stand
for and believe in. As a result, any character development is fundamentally
impossible, since character development is based on the implementation of
values.
What values are you exemplifying in regard to character development for
yourself and those around you? A child being raised in an effortless household
will develop an effortless attitude. A child, who is surrounded by dishonesty
and apathy, will be dishonest and apathetic. Children being given so much they
do nothing, and expect more, will most likely be nothing and expect less of
themselves. What core values are you discussing with your children, and are you
acting on them? Are your words aligned with your behaviors? As Abraham Lincoln
said, “Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is
what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” To disavow the need for
alignment undermines all principles of ethical parenting and leadership.
Of
course you want to provide for those you love, for it is part of taking
accountability and ownership for what you have created for yourself, and your
family. It is also a natural desire to want your children to have a better life
and have as many opportunities as possible. However, it is essential to balance
what you give to an individual, with how you create a level of appreciation and
respect for what has been given. To attain a respectful character requires
several primary factors including, * a knowledge base of the values you believe
represent what is most important to you to be respected, * a consistency in
behavior that reflects those values, * aligning what you practice with what you
preach, * a continuous internal awareness of the example you set each day, *
and the understanding that character is earned never given.
As Father’s Day approaches, may we all acknowledge the important role of fathers, mothers, and family in developing characteristics of a healthy character for our children. These should include a belief in the values of effort, self-discipline, determination, selflessness and an understanding that you earn self-respect and a sense of personal satisfaction. It is, and has never been given, but rather earned every day in the efforts one makes in the lives of others.
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