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Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Anger - A Demonstration of Personal Immaturity
The inspiration to explore the
emotion of anger stems from my sitting on a United Express flight to Chicago
knowing I am going to miss my connection to South Bend, IN because of a delay
in Albany, NY. This is not an unusual occurrence with the amount of traveling I do,
but the lack of concern and nonchalant attitude by the airline employees has
provoked my ire. Upon landing, I can always drive to the University of Notre
Dame where I am speaking, but the new logistical arrangements that must be made
in regard to my travel and the retrieval of my seminar materials are just an
added stress I would prefer not to contend with. How appropriate to evaluate the emotion of anger.
Anger is defined as “a strong feeling
of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility” Where does that strong feeling stem
from? Are the roots of anger similar in all human beings? Is anger a choice, or
is it a normal reaction to the descriptive words above? Behind every emotion
there is a reason, and those reasons are unique to each of us. We all experience
anger, but when it is expressed through abusive behavior a reflection of
personal immaturity is needed. A reaction of abusive anger to a situation can
easily be attributed to personal insecurities, childhood experiences, and fears
attributed to what was, or what might be. However, it is reactive not
proactive, and a choice made. If the results are destructive, the emotional
reasons behind the anger do not justify the hurt caused to oneself or to
others. There are times where anger may appear to be appropriate, but when the
dust settles I have never known someone to be proud of his or her angry
behavior. It is important to recognize each anger moment destroys a segment of
self-respect.
The venting of abusive anger is a display of our own insecurity and
immaturity in our ability to patiently handle a situation. Is a lack of
patience a precursor to igniting anger? If so, what are you impatient about,
the slow driver in front of you, a lack of assertiveness by an employee, the
weather, a mistake made by a child, a sense there is no attention being paid to
you, or a lack of fulfillment? Accountability in recognizing personal anger,
and taking the steps to prevent the emotional fallout from anger is a
challenging undertaking. With the success of reducing the onset of anger in our
lives comes tremendous personal growth, and a significant reduction in stress
and other negative health related symptoms. An increase in heart rate, blood pressure and emotional
instability impacts the body and mind in ways that are still not totally
understood. Is getting angry over minutia really worth jeopardizing your health? Does creating
further complexity in our life and the acquisition of material things reduce
the potential for further anger? It is just the opposite, for it creates more
stress, more responsibility and greater potential to spark anger as a result of
frustration or dissatisfaction.
Over the years I have discovered the simpler my life is the happier I tend to be, because the less I have to be responsible for. As a result, the less I have to be angry about. Six practical steps to reducing anger in your life include: * Recognize what situation is initiating the anger, and analyze the situation rather than immediately reacting to it. * Ask yourself, is the incident you are confronting really worth getting angry about? * If anger does occur, focus on whom the anger is directed toward and ask yourself, will the anger change the person’s behavior, or repair the situation? If not, the anger is a waste of time and energy. * Ask, what will be the result of displaying anger? I have never known anger to result in a more healthy and harmonious environment. It opens wounds, new and old, and creates a defensive mechanism that generates even more harm. * Simplify your life. * Set an example in all you do. Anger diminishes your emotional stability, reputation, and sends a message of unprofessionalism. When you demonstrate calm in the throws of chaos, the reward of personal respect, and the respect expressed to you by others will be the result of your maturity and professionalism.
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