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Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Reframe Your New Year's Resolutions
New Year's resolutions predominately revolve
around the potential to benefit yourself. It is no wonder so many are never
fulfilled. Maintaining a level of motivation to persevere and be resilient is
always challenging when the only reason to succeed is you. Reframing your
desire to better yourself by being attentive to how it may benefit others is
key to maintaining the motivation to achieve. For example, initiating an
exercise regimen and sticking to it is never easy. To realize it may allow you
to have more energy, a better quality of life, and the opportunity to live
longer is certainly a motivation in itself. An added motivation to get out of
bed and go to the gym should be the example you set for your children, and
those who love you. Focusing on a healthier lifestyle not only assists you
to live longer and enjoy life’s experiences, but inspires those around you to
do the same.
I certainly want to have the opportunity to know my own
grandchildren and be a positive role model in their lives. I have a better
chance accomplishing that by being proactive with my medical care and
maintaining my health. My family
history for coronary heart disease is extensive, as noted by my fathers passing
at the age of 49. I was 11 when he passed, and throughout my life that
experience has required me to monitor my health. It certainly would be easier
to ignore the medical history, and go about doing what ever I want. The real
motivation for my determination is to be around for as long as I am able, not
only for my own family, but also for the opportunity to continue to make a
positive difference in the lives of others. Is it really the proper example for
those you influence by being over indulgent in what you eat, drink, buy, and
smoke? If I were 400 pounds because of my own lack of self-discipline and
self-respect, why would I expect my children to grow up any differently? That
example can apply to any excessive behavior that is damaging to ourselves, and
those around us.
Many behaviors that you determine need resolution stem from areas in your life that have initiated self-doubt and insecurity. What are you not taking responsibility for in your life that is generating that potential insecurity? Are the behaviors you exude complimenting the core values you believe in? If not, what steps are you taking to ensure your behaviors are congruent with your values. Excuses are the primary culprit for a lack of success in seeing your resolutions through to completion. We all stumble along the way, but it is imperative to monitor how influential the blame game becomes. To use outside forces to unilaterally determine your success is just an excuse. Although there are many elements that impact our decisions, how you maintain your health, finances, what you eat, what you buy and whom you associate with are ultimately your choices. Benjamin Franklin noted, “How few there are who have the courage to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.”
A resolution should be initiated prior to it
becoming a necessity. Don’t wait till you are unhealthy to become healthy.
Don’t wait till you are overweight to lose weight. Don’t wait till you are in
debt to get out of debt. Don’t wait to be in a dire situation to get out of
one. Be proactive in all you do. The English poet and novelist Thomas Hardy
stated, “A resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far
advanced as to make avoidance impossible.”
As the New Year approaches let us be mindful of why we make the resolutions we decide to implement. Initiating resolutions for only self-centered reasons are less likely to be accomplished. The motivation to succeed should not only rest in our own personal and professional goals, but the knowledge that we are also here to serve those around us. It is my desire to be the best for others, and in particular my family. That inspires me to strive for success each day. American author Hal Borland reflectively said, “Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.” Happy 2012 to All!
'Tis the Season for Civility and Kindness?
As a society, have we lost our minds in what it means
to be civil and kind to one another? Are trampling over others for a two-dollar
toaster, or pepper spraying someone to get to the best bargain really behaviors
to embrace? If the answer is yes,
say good-bye to any moral foundation of decency and purposeful evolution for
humanity. As the holiday season began, I could not help but be saddened by what
many would perceive as possessions at the core of our nation’s values. It is
this national obsession with stuff that has created monetary debt and moral
bankruptcy for many. Although it may be a minority of our citizenry who
demonstrate such a lack of civility, it is a trend that should not go
unaddressed.
To neglect our responsibilities to one another as a people rather than a commodity is a path toward social disaster. Charles Dickens stated, “The civility which money will purchase, is rarely extended to those who have none.” It is this time of year that we are reminded that how we treat one another should take priority over the things we acquire or own. Why only this time of year? It should be every day, of every month, of every year, that we monitor our behaviors and the example we set to those around us. It is evident that taking the time to positively focus on and listen effectively to another has deteriorated. Trends toward personal gratification, self-centeredness, impersonal communication, social indecency and a lack of self-respect are all major contributing factors.
There is also abundant goodness and love demonstrated
every day by many, and it is the foundation for experiencing and living a
meaningful and purposeful life. To serve others selflessly with kindness and
civility for the betterment of all mankind defines much of what this season
should represent. Civility is defined as, “formal politeness and courtesy in
behavior or speech.” It is not only the behaviors we demonstrate, but also how
we communicate that defines how civil we are towards one another. The callousness
of using profanity or the degrading words used to attack others only exasperates
a lack of civility. Kindness is
defined as, “the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.” Civility
is much more than just being kind, it is the ability to be thoughtful,
compassionate, polite, respectful, and build relationships that foster goodness
in thought and behavior toward one another. As George Washington said, “Every
action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are
present.”
The more you reflect on and implement the core values you believe in,
the greater ability to be civil to those around you. The more secure you are in
who you are also promotes civility. As a result, you are less vulnerable to the
necessity to behave in an uncivil manner. Civility and morality are congruent
with one another. The less an understanding of what it means to be moral the
less able to be civil. As a result, we become a society of freewheeling and
irresponsible behaviors with no consequences. Ralph Waldo Emerson stated simply, “There can be no high
civility without a deep morality.”
Five steps to create a more civil
environment for you both personally and professionally are as follows. * Treat
others as you want to be treated, The Golden Rule. * Be objective in your
thought process and focus on the information rather than the emotion.
Professionalism (emotional patience) is key in the act of being civil. * Focus
on listening and analyzing rather then reacting and speaking. * Be keenly aware
of not only what you say, but how you say it. * Recognize you influence those
around you and with that influence comes a responsibility to set an example of
civility.
Civility breeds trust, unity and a sense of value to those we manage, lead, and most importantly parent. The more civil our children become the more joyous their life will be. As we celebrate the coming birth of the “Prince of Peace”, let us all understand that peace is the result of civility, kindness and the love we demonstrate with one another. As Jesus shared, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.” A Blessed and Merry Christmas to all my fellow learners of life.
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