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Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Callousness - Alive and Well
With the constant anxiety in regard to what tomorrow may bring economically,
socially, politically and internationally one would think that striving for
goodness, kindness, mutual respect and logic within our citizenry would be the
norm rather than the exception. Although there is a tremendous amount of
positive human behavior being demonstrated every day by those who are more
selfless than self-centered, it is always disheartening to witness so many who take
delight in personally attacking others anonymously. Whether it be verbal or written comments to articles and blogs locally and nationally,
not taking ownership for destructive personal attacks demonstrates a complete
lack of self-respect and integrity on the part of the attacker. An individual
who obtains gratification from spewing a venomous, anonymous assault on another
is innately a coward.This type of public ridicule does little to unify a
community and its citizenry, but rather divides it and creates further
cynicism, and inaccuracy in deciphering potential pertinent information because
of the emotion the comment may generate. If you disagree with one's sentiment, and
want to express that publicly have the courage to identify yourself for
that will demonstrate a degree of personal courage rather than cowardice.
In
regard to leadership, an authentic and principled leader welcomes ideas,
suggestions and constructive feedback as it offers differing viewpoints and
perspectives on issues and concerns.
This provides the opportunity to ensure an honorable and corrective
course of action is taken. The irony with an anonymous attacker is most people
do not take their point of view seriously. Why? The attacker exemplifies a
clear lack of principled character by not identifying themselves, and therefore
negates their own personal and professional credibility. Therefore, what could
be useful points and counterpoints are meaningless. Personally, if any of those
I serve disagree with a decision I have made, or an issue that I stand for and
believe in, they have a right to voice a dissenting opinion and state their
case. I enjoy being challenged, when it is honorably presented. Anyone in the public eye is often
demeaned, but what does it say about our society when personal destruction is
glamorized, sensationalized and used to manipulate the mindset of the
masses? It demonstrates an
acceptance of a lack of personal integrity, apathy toward dishonorable
behavior, and an artificial enhancement of ones own sense of self worth at the
expense of others. It is always easier to take delight in emotional ridicule
than analytical evaluation of the facts.
Callous is defined as, “showing or
having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others.” How applicable that is
to the anonymous attacker. One synonym of callous that stands out above the
rest is heartless; and a heartless person is defined as, “displaying a complete
lack of feeling or consideration.” Constructive and respectful discourse is
always beneficial in reaching common ground, mutual understanding, and a
successful conclusion to an issue or concern at hand.
Five considerations for those who take joy in anonymous personal ridicule are the following. * Attempt to think more of others than yourself. You will be happier as a result, and achieve a greater level of respect and credibility. * Understand that anonymity demonstrates a lack of personal respect, integrity and is cowardly. * Look at the bigger picture in regard to how your words and thoughts may affect what it is you are attempting to make right. * Ask yourself, what does it say about me when I lack the ability to take ownership for a destructive opinion that I present to those around me? It says you lack a foundation of values that are healthy and in alignment for the common good. * Reflect on what character traits you believe truly define effective leaders, and those individuals who have made a positive difference in your life. I doubt they were anonymous, and likely had the integrity and character to take ownership for their thoughts, words and deeds. These are points of practice we can all reflect on as a reminder to abide by the golden rule of treating others, as you would like to be treated. It certainly makes for a kinder and more civil community and society.
Pride and Significance - You Really Do Matter
Have you ever felt insignificant or asked yourself,
does anything I do really matter in relation to the world around me? I drive to
work each day. I do my job. I try to make a difference. Am I doing the right
thing? Do those around me appreciate me? Does anyone really care? In the scheme
of time, space and living each day do I make a positive impact, and is it
really meaningful in the long run? Depressing questions? You bet! This type of
thought process and attitude is the antithesis of possessing pride. Yet, pride
is a word that tends to be frowned upon. Why? The saying, “pride goes (or
comes) before a fall” is a proverb that means if you are too conceited or
self-important, something will happen to make you look foolish. Although at times this may indeed happen,
pride is not something to shy away from. It is important to be proud of who you
are and what you stand for and believe in.
When pride is genuine, selfless and
honest the feeling and modest display of such pride is healthy, and important
in validating for yourself that who you are and what you do is significant.
Pride is defined as, “a feeling, or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from
one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely
associated with, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired, the
consciousness of one’s own dignity”. Dignity? Dignity is defined as, “the state
or quality of being worthy of honor or respect”. Who would not want to possess
that state or quality? Personally, if I have achieved in an ethical and
upstanding manner, and generate a degree of honor and respect within myself and
from others, I would certainly be proud of that accomplishment. It does not
mean you take an attitude of self-importance over humility, but if you are not proud
in what you have achieved then why did you strive for anything to begin with? Pride
becomes harmful when it transitions into the behaviors of conceit, vanity,
arrogance and egotism.
Pride
should also be modest not boastful. There is no doubt that actions speak louder
than words, and it is recognizing and acting upon that thought that eliminates
the potential to be boastful. However, it is also interesting to observe that the more insecure one is with themselves the more likely they are to accuse someone of
being overly proud. When another succeeds it can be threatening to those who
doubt their own abilities. It is your own recognition of how you display your
pride that will determine how valid another's negative assessment of your
behavior may be. When your pride is attached to humility and selflessness there
is no need for concern about how others perceive it. It becomes more about them
than their negative perception of you.
As I write this I am on a plane to L.A., and at this moment our cat Cleo of almost 21 years is being euthanized. She had been failing for days and we made the difficult decision this morning. I know my wife is with her holding, loving and comforting her as the injection takes effect. As I said my goodbyes this morning before I left for the airport, a characteristic that came to mind of my beloved feline was pride. She always displayed pride in herself, her family, her longevity and doing things her way. As she lay dying this morning, she was still purring as I stroked her head, as soft and furry as it had always been. I believe she was proud of the joy, love and memorable times she had provided to our family over all these years. Selfless pride is a characteristic of having done more for others than oneself. It is a characteristic of personal confidence that others admire and follow, for it is genuine, sincere and never boastful. Take a moment to appreciate yourself and what you have accomplished in your life. Be proud of the times where you made a positive difference in the life of another. As Ralph Waldo Emerson so eloquently stated, “To know just one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.” You can take pride in that.
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