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Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Appreciating Our Seasoned Citizens
As the proper seasoning of food
always enhances the flavor of a wonderful meal, the proper seasoning of a
person always enhances the experience of a wonderful life. This particular blog is an appreciation for all those who have come full circle in life.
Whose bodies and minds are struggling with a sense of youthfulness, and are
attempting to maintain meaning to the many marvelous memories of the past; and
how those memories apply and are valued in the present. Aging is an opportunity
to reminisce on the joyful moments and loving people one has experienced in
their life. As Mark Twain stated,
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
It
is the cycle of experience that teaches the lessons of life. With knowledge comes
understanding, and with understanding comes wisdom. It is experience that
validates the accuracy of knowledge, and the bridge that connects those three
facets of learning. Wisdom in life is gained by becoming seasoned. The wisdom
of our seniors should never be taken for granted, but rather acknowledged and
respected. It is an appreciation for that seasoning that maintains a respectful
society, and a deep-rooted sense of family and community. I witness time after
time a failure by many to learn from, and respect those who have experienced
longevity.
Technology has always moved a society forward, yet it also tends to
leave a generation lagging behind. Our youth often discredit the elderly for
being naïve to new technology, or making a decision not to participate with the
advancements. Living a full life is more than just being proficient with an
iPad. It is the collection of a life of experiences that culminates into a
wholeness of what it means to have lived. To discard the lessons of experience
for the possible immediate gratification of wealth, fame and power is a recipe
for social decay. How many social and economic decisions have been, and
continue to be made without considering the lessons of yesterday, and the
wisdom of those who have come before us? As the Spanish philosopher George
Santayana said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
“ It certainly appears there are
many in power who fail to heed that advice, and make decisions based on what is
in the best interest of the one, rather than the many.
What many of our elderly
have witnessed, struggled with, and experienced can provide a textbook of
knowledge as important as any in the classroom. Life lessons from our seniors
would make a meaningful piece of academic curriculum. Learning history with
differing real life perspectives might just add to a greater level of empathy,
civility and compassion toward those around us. At your first opportunity take
a moment with a seasoned citizen in your life and ask a pertinent question that
may reflect a difficulty in your own life. You may be surprised at the level of
wisdom you receive with their response. It is also disheartening to see the
reaction by many toward our seniors because of their inability to walk as fast,
hear or see as well, think as sharply, or comprehend the pace of change before
them. I hope all of us take the time to be more thoughtful before we judge, or
become impatient with those in their golden years. Most of us will be there
some day and I am sure you would not want someone to demean or undermine who
you are, what you are, and what your life has been.
Capitalize on an opportunity to display respect to those who are seasoned. The opening of a door, the expression of a smile, the acknowledgement of an opinion, taking a moment to listen, or a thank you for their contribution are all examples of what might bring a warm sense of feeling valued to an elder. It is more important to be empathetic then sympathetic to our elders. Empathy is more respectful, for it is a conscious effort to understand and learn from another rather than only sharing their feelings. It demonstrates a willingness to participate vicariously in their life experience that will be appreciated and respected. As John Barrymore said, “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” Remember that life is not what you are given, but how you react to it.
Insecurity - A Menace to Success and Happiness
What are you insecure about? How secure are you with who you are, what you look like, your attributes, your shortcomings, the content of your character, and your virtues? Do you have a moral compass in life that you follow? Does that compass only guide you, or do you actually act on the directions that compass provides you? Do you use your insecurities as an excuse for a lack of achievement, or do you recognize that your insecurities are actually a stimulus to improve and become a better you? Insecurity is the flashing warning sign in your life telling you to research the roots of that insecurity and take the necessary actions to minimize its impact. Insecure is defined as, “(of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.” Anxious is a key word for it is the physical and emotional catalyst to recognizing insecurity exists. Anxious is defined as, “experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” Yikes! I just realized I might need to practice a little bit better what I preach.
Where do our
insecurities originate? Certainly our upbringing, relationships, failures,
social expectations and environment all contribute to the development of them. For
example, if you are insecure about how you look, where does that insecurity
stem from. If it is from the expectations of a superficial society then maybe
there is nothing to be insecure about. Take the makeup artists and the hair
stylists away from the so-called beauty queens and kings of famous celebrities
and you will realize that perception is not always reality. However, there is a
responsibility that comes with insecurity. The responsibility is taking ownership
for insecurity created by your own actions. If you are insecure about your
body, yet do not manage your weight and health effectively you are not taking
responsibility for the issue at hand. It then becomes much easier to use that
insecurity as an excuse rather than a motivation to improve.
There is a direct
correlation between guilt, insecurity and regret. Guilt drives us to be unsure
about the life path we have taken and the decisions we have made. As a result,
the more insecure we are about who we are. This culminates into regret that is
emotionally draining and sustains a focus on a gloomy past, rather than a
bright future. It is not who you are that holds you back, it is who you think
you are not.
The more one is irresponsible for their insecurities the more
destructive one becomes. It transcends to the blaming of everything and
everyone around them for their own lack of accomplishment and success. Envy,
jealousy, bigotry and prejudice are the ultimate behaviors that demonstrate how
deep one’s insecurities can become. As Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. stated, “The
mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it,
the more it will contract.”
How do you right the ship? First, what is the foundation for what you stand for and believe in? Second, what are the characteristics and principles that you believe create a good and decent person? These answered collectively form the very core values that provide a greater deal of security moving forward with your life, and the decisions you will make. Insecurity tends to be more of a subjective opinion of ones own sense of self worth rather than being based on actual fact. Without a foundation of values to build your self-worth around the more vulnerable you are to your perceived insecurities. Other steps to overcome include, * be proactive, not reactive when you recognize insecurity exists. * learn to trust yourself and the abilities you have. There are more wonderful things about you than you may realize. * forgive yourself, we all make mistakes. * surround yourself with people who lift you up, not pull you down, emulate positive not negative behaviors * realize everyone has insecurities, however, it is choice whether you allow them to control you and how you feel, or not. * do not host an internal pity party, life is too short. As the classic quote from Eleanor Roosevelt states, “No one can make you inferior without your consent.”
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