Blog Archive
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Authenticity - Celebrate Being You
What does it mean to be
authentic? Although I believe we as humans have more in common then we do
different, our differences create our individual authenticity. We are all
unique, but it is our uniqueness in conjunction to living an honest life that
creates personal authenticity. Authentic is defined as, “of undisputed origin;
genuine”, “relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, significant,
purposive, and responsible mode of human life.” Each of us is genuine when the
behaviors that reflect our personality are honest, and each of us has the
opportunity to create a responsible mode of human life. What makes you
authentic? Your talents, skills and personality create the substance of your
uniqueness, and when applied honestly you develop your authenticity. We all
have the potential to be individually authentic, and it is uplifting to think
of ourselves as one who is authentic based on the structure of our character
and personality. Personality is defined as “the combination of characteristics
that form and individual’s distinctive character”, “qualities that make someone
interesting or popular”.
Being authentic is not creating behavioral
characteristics to please others for acceptance, when those characteristics are
not truly reflective of the person you are. Authenticity is not covering up
your own weaknesses by pretending to be someone you are not. One who is
authentic is true to his or her values, and will develop a substance of
character and behavior that reflects those values. What are the factors that
challenge our ability to be authentic? Each day there are external societal
pressures and influences that challenge our ability to maintain our
authenticity. The need for advancement, the desire for money and power,
immediate gratification and material abundance are all factors that have the
potential to compromise our ability to maintain authenticity. When we succumb
to needs not in alignment with our values we are violating what it means to be
authentic. “Authenticity in psychology refers to the attempt to live one’s life
according to the needs of one’s inner being, rather than the demands of society
or one’s early conditioning.” Does your personal definition of success
compliment your authenticity, or have the demands of society deterred you away
from a genuine sense of self?
Personally, I believe a genuinely authentic
person is never dishonest. To be disingenuous is the antithesis of being
authentic. The key to embracing your authenticity is behaving in a way that
reflects the trueness of who you are rather then displaying what you want
others to perceive you as being. Authenticity is honesty with self, and honesty
with self is acceptance of self. Taking ownership for the wonderment of you,
and knowing that it is never at the expense of others is an authentic spirit of
ones character and identity. Outward identity is established from the
adaptation of ones values to their personality for the benefit of those around
them. Think about what makes you wonderful and celebrate the authenticity that
you possess. Your authenticity is most readily revealed in the company of
family and friends. They know when you are disingenuous and violating the
trueness of your character. They have been there in good times and bad and have
witnessed what it is that makes you, you. To betray family and friends is the
ultimate betrayal of oneself.
A key to fulfillment is to acknowledge and be accountable for the times we violate our authenticity. It allows us to maintain a path that is in alignment with what makes us authentic. How many of us are living a life that is a true reflection of what we honestly believe about ourselves? If we are not, there is little capability to be authentic. Embrace the beauty of who you are. I believe each of us has an authentic purpose in life, and each of us matters. The revelation in discovering your own authenticity is when your behaviors are consistent with your values, your personality is mutually respectful of others yet unique to yourself, and honesty is present in all that you do. You do matter, and to utilize your authenticity to enhance the lives of those around you only exemplifies the value of you, and your greatness in being authentic.
Aloofness - Misguided Self-Confidence
Over the years I have come to chuckle rather than be
annoyed when the aura of aloofness passes me by. The individual who by their
own sense of importance looks over or down upon others is aloof. How important
can one be where one outwardly discards another human being? Individuals of
true importance are those whose character includes selflessness and humility,
not arrogance and egotism. I am not referring to shyness as it may relate to
being aloof, but aloofness as it pertains to the attitude of elitism. Aloof is
defined as, “not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant, conspicuously
uninvolved and uninterested, typically through distaste.” Have you ever asked
yourself, “What did I ever do to them?”, as a person you know, made eye contact
with, walks by with that look of disdain without even acknowledging you? Did
you appear distasteful to them? Trust me, if a person has an attitude that
others are less important and less human based on outside appearance it says
more about themselves then the person they are disdaining.
Do the clothes we
wear, cars we drive, and amount we own justify an attitude of self-importance
over those who have less? Personally, I would rather enjoy the company of one
who may have less and genuinely cares for others, then one who has more and in
their mind the world revolves around them. Glitz and glamour may be fun to
enjoy, participate in, read about, and observe, but when the glitz and glamour
subside and the outside is no longer looking the inside takes over. Am I more
important because I have a nicer dress or suit then someone else? Am I more
important because I can eat at a fancier restaurant then those whose joy of
dining out is fast food? Am I more important then a mother who can barely put
food on the table, because I can afford to attend a gala? I hope anyone reading
this would say, of course not. Yet, there are those who feel superior to others
because of what they have, rather then understanding an importance of self is
reflective in the positive difference made in the lives of others. The German
philosopher Theodor Adorno, stated, “He who stands aloof runs the risk of
believing himself better than others and misusing his critique of society as an
ideology for his private interest.”
Genuine self-confidence is generated based
on behaviors that reflect the values that form the substance of your character.
Character is defined as, “ the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an
individual” i.e. your values. Our individual values are validated by the
accomplishments we have earned, not been given. For example, if you achieve
success by following the values you adhere to, and have earned that success
though hard work and diligence how could you not be self-confident? An
appreciation for life, the things we have, and the ability to be empathetic
toward others are attributes earned not provided. Each day these attributes are
undermined by a growing sense of entitlement and dependency our society is
progressing toward. It deteriorates an understanding of what diligence and
perseverance mean in regard to generating success, and ultimately a greater
sense of personal confidence and happiness. Our children are inundated by the
pseudo importance of glamour and glitz rather then understanding what
principles are needed to create their own uniquely successful lives.
Behind the aloofness of many is an undercurrent of insecurity and a genuine lack of self-respect. Anyone who sincerely respects themselves would be respectful and friendly to others. Healthy self-respect negates any need to be aloof, nor having to use possessions to justify ones own self-importance. Mark Twain stated, “a man must not hold himself aloof from the things which his friends and his community have at heart if he would be liked.” Finally, aloofness stifles personal growth and breeds personal complacency. If I believe I am better than those around me, there is less reason to take the initiative to change and improve. Charles G. Dawes, the 30th Vice President of the United States under Calvin Coolidge stated it best, “Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.” Personal importance is an extension of how we generate a sense of importance in others. To be aloof is to hide behind a curtain of stuff rather than substance of character. Enjoy drawing back the curtain.
If You Were to Die Tomorrow - A Lesson in Leadership
This past Saturday I attended a
funeral for a high school classmate of mine who succumbed to her courageous
five-year battle with cancer. The church was filled to capacity as the mourners
reflected on this young life of 53 years. The service concluded with a eulogy
by her husband and father of their two children. I listened intently and
compassionately to the words as he reflected on the person, wife and mother she
was. As he shared the many characteristics of a beautiful human being I was
glad to have known her. The words also triggered a further understanding of the
expansive breath of what it means to be a leader. Leadership comes in all human
shapes and sizes, as do moms and dads. Yet there are common threads that create
the very fabric of effective leadership.
Although title, power, fame and wealth
may indicate a person in a position of leadership, that alone does not give
credence to being an effective leader. This is illustrated everyday in the
failures and incompetence of many of those in positions of power as they fail
to understand that genuine leadership is more about the responsibilities to
others rather than oneself. Any person who impacts another is a leader. There
are many who believe in you, count on you and love you. If you were to die
tomorrow what would those you love and those you impacted say about you? Would
you even know what you would want them to say? Are you aware of the positive leadership
characteristics that are most reflective of you? These are significant
questions to ponder since they relate to personal accountability, and taking
ownership for the path and direction your life is traveling. In other words,
taking ownership for what you want to be remembered for is the key to living a
life that is an honest reflection of who you are.
This task of living honorably
is undermined consistently as a result of a continued social trend towards
excuse making and blaming rather than taking personal responsibility for ones
own actions. Where do we find direction in how to effectively lead when there
are those who are titled as leaders and yet violate the very foundation of
effective leadership? Regardless of political, or corporate affiliation it is
abhorrent to witness the true lack of citizen concern and irrational decision
making by so many of those who are in positions responsible for the future
direction of our society. I would enjoy some day witnessing the words “special
interest” not being associated with the meaning of public service. Of course,
that will never happen. Personally, I believe this route of economic
irresponsibility, decline in moral objectivity and the rupture of core-valued
leadership is the result of a lack of personal ownership to the values that are
most important to adhere to. Anyone reading this can ascertain his or her own
interpretation of my words, but the most important examination is of our own
personal leadership. What are the principles that form your decision-making and
interaction with others? What are the values that define what it is you stand
for and believe in, and are those values projected in your actions? In the
throes of being a minor pubic servant I have always known you cannot please
everyone, but I do believe you can generate respect and set a positive example
by being consistent in your beliefs, open-minded to others’ beliefs, and
treating others as you want to be treated, that being with dignity and respect.
Through the years I have experienced a consistent number of character traits that universally translate to being an effective leader whether it be in the office, at home or on the battlefield. Discipline, integrity, commitment, loyalty, perseverance, honor, respect and humility are just some that come to mind. The most important is one of selflessness, and the constant reminder to oneself that the end result of our actions is to benefit and inspire those around us. Returning to the eulogy, it was never mentioned what she had taken during the course of her life, but rather what she had given, and therefore what she will be remembered for. Are those you love and lead better people and leaders themselves for having followed you? When the mirror reflects what you see, is that truly who you are?
 |
 |
 |
|
