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Jay Rifenbary's Blog
Aloofness - Misguided Self-Confidence
Over the years I have come to chuckle rather than be
annoyed when the aura of aloofness passes me by. The individual who by their
own sense of importance looks over or down upon others is aloof. How important
can one be where one outwardly discards another human being? Individuals of
true importance are those whose character includes selflessness and humility,
not arrogance and egotism. I am not referring to shyness as it may relate to
being aloof, but aloofness as it pertains to the attitude of elitism. Aloof is
defined as, “not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant, conspicuously
uninvolved and uninterested, typically through distaste.” Have you ever asked
yourself, “What did I ever do to them?”, as a person you know, made eye contact
with, walks by with that look of disdain without even acknowledging you? Did
you appear distasteful to them? Trust me, if a person has an attitude that
others are less important and less human based on outside appearance it says
more about themselves then the person they are disdaining.
Do the clothes we
wear, cars we drive, and amount we own justify an attitude of self-importance
over those who have less? Personally, I would rather enjoy the company of one
who may have less and genuinely cares for others, then one who has more and in
their mind the world revolves around them. Glitz and glamour may be fun to
enjoy, participate in, read about, and observe, but when the glitz and glamour
subside and the outside is no longer looking the inside takes over. Am I more
important because I have a nicer dress or suit then someone else? Am I more
important because I can eat at a fancier restaurant then those whose joy of
dining out is fast food? Am I more important then a mother who can barely put
food on the table, because I can afford to attend a gala? I hope anyone reading
this would say, of course not. Yet, there are those who feel superior to others
because of what they have, rather then understanding an importance of self is
reflective in the positive difference made in the lives of others. The German
philosopher Theodor Adorno, stated, “He who stands aloof runs the risk of
believing himself better than others and misusing his critique of society as an
ideology for his private interest.”
Genuine self-confidence is generated based
on behaviors that reflect the values that form the substance of your character.
Character is defined as, “ the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an
individual” i.e. your values. Our individual values are validated by the
accomplishments we have earned, not been given. For example, if you achieve
success by following the values you adhere to, and have earned that success
though hard work and diligence how could you not be self-confident? An
appreciation for life, the things we have, and the ability to be empathetic
toward others are attributes earned not provided. Each day these attributes are
undermined by a growing sense of entitlement and dependency our society is
progressing toward. It deteriorates an understanding of what diligence and
perseverance mean in regard to generating success, and ultimately a greater
sense of personal confidence and happiness. Our children are inundated by the
pseudo importance of glamour and glitz rather then understanding what
principles are needed to create their own uniquely successful lives.
Behind the aloofness of many is an undercurrent of insecurity and a genuine lack of self-respect. Anyone who sincerely respects themselves would be respectful and friendly to others. Healthy self-respect negates any need to be aloof, nor having to use possessions to justify ones own self-importance. Mark Twain stated, “a man must not hold himself aloof from the things which his friends and his community have at heart if he would be liked.” Finally, aloofness stifles personal growth and breeds personal complacency. If I believe I am better than those around me, there is less reason to take the initiative to change and improve. Charles G. Dawes, the 30th Vice President of the United States under Calvin Coolidge stated it best, “Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.” Personal importance is an extension of how we generate a sense of importance in others. To be aloof is to hide behind a curtain of stuff rather than substance of character. Enjoy drawing back the curtain.
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