Have you ever felt unappreciated? You work hard, try to do the right thing, provide for those closest to you, attempt to be an appropriate example, and then at the end of the day feel your efforts are not even noticed? How disheartening is that, and how does it impact your emotional stability? However, if you see your efforts are making a positive difference, advancing what you have set out to accomplish, and observing happy family members and friends around you, why do you need external validation that you are appreciated? Life long insecurities are the root causes that heighten the need for outside appreciation. The greater your inability to work through those insecurities, the greater your self-doubt, and the greater the need for validation that you are appreciated and valued. Those insecurities can dominate your perception of who you are and what you are not, and anytime you become vulnerable to those insecurities emotional fallout can follow.

It is important to recognize that although there may be an outside trigger, it is the internal coping of that insecurity that will determine whether your response is emotionally healthy or destructive to yourself and those around you. Why do we tend to be most vulnerable to our insecurities when they are triggered by those closest to us? One, those closest to us are those we wish to fail and disappoint the least, and two there is personal history. History of the ups, downs, successes, failures, joys, disappointments experienced together, and then having to take personal responsibility for the times we have let our insecurities get the best of us. If you have a commitment to be the best example for your family, and your insecurities demonstrate weakness, failure and disappointment, it is natural to be more sensitive around family when those insecurities rear their ugly head. If two of your insecurities are a sense that you lack intelligence and are never taken seriously, then any situation where you perceive others sensing that about you will most likely generate an unhealthy reaction. Those insecurities generate what you internally perceive you are, rather than what you actually may be. It also results in your perception that you are underappreciated.

Adherence to the values that reflect the goodness and character that defines you should be the focus of the value you are to yourself and others. Over the years I have found that to feel appreciated is reflective of your appreciation for others. As Voltaire said, "Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." Stop the internal madness and recognize the past cannot be changed; the present provides an opportunity to be a better you, and a successful future is in your control. Insecurities are either inhibitors or motivators to reaching a fulfilling life and contributing to your sense of personal appreciation. Make them your motivators. It is also important to not overcompensate for your insecurities. To overcompensate risks the potential of violating the values you believe in order to overcome the insecurity. If you need to lie, cheat or steal to be appreciated, and those behaviors violate your values then the abyss of creating a lack of personal self-respect only deepens.

Five steps to revitalize your personal appreciation include: * Focus on your accomplishments rather than failures, and be grateful what is positive in your life. * Demonstrate appreciation for those around you, as it is a direct reflection of how content and appreciative you are of yourself. * Come to terms with your past and do not dwell on it as an excuse for a disappointing future. * Recognize your successes, and understand how many of those successes have actually been ways to overcome your insecurities. * Develop a mind-set to prioritize and put into practice your values first and overcome your insecurities second, as a way to live day to day. As fellow author and colleague Steve Maraboli said, “We can’t undo a single thing we have ever done, but we can make decisions today that propel us to the life we want and towards the healing we need.”

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